We declare a Pie War on the AfD
No activist wants to throw a pie at a politician. We didn't want to either. But a cream pie is a last resort. And right now the use of pies is the moral order of the day. The pie throw is the last measure at the border of humanity and an urgent expression of direct democracy.
For a long time we thought about what one could do against the German right-wing party, Alternative für Deutschland (AfD). Should one enter into discussion with them? Should one even give them a stage to speak? Just as stories about Donald Trump are no longer only in the entertainment section of the news, and he is actually being considered for president, so should we treat the growing support of the AfD seriously. After a lot of back and forth we decided to enter into dialogue with them.
Since there is no sense to be found in their arguments, we decided for the Rhetoric of Cream as our medium for communication. The followers of the AfD on the other hand opted for targeted death threats as their tool for the confrontation.
What actually happened?
Cream. Ready-made pie shell. Face. Beatrix Storch’s face to be specific. And then the internet exploded. Because it was the granddaughter of Hitler’s minister of finance who we pied, and she is currently giving her all to build the new right radical movement in Germany and because we all have our own insult and honour fantasies when it comes to covering other people’s faces in cream.
In the course of 24 hours the two videos of the pie throw were viewed by 1.5 million people. Loops were cut and GIFS were made out of it. Within a short time a sticker of the crestfallen Storch’s face could be found on the instant-messaging app Telegram. On Twitter, under the hashtag #tortalerkrieg a photo of our supermarket bill from the cream and pie base was shared and under #tortenfilme new film titles were invented. The video was also uploaded more than ten times on youporn.
In the following weeks more pies appeared in public, just as soon as any Neonazis or right-wing extremists showed their faces. Two days after our pie throw, when protesters at a demonstration in Berlin began chanting “Pie War”, the police banded together in front of the nearby pastry shop. Later when the AfD’s national congress took place in Berlin, a pie catapult was confiscated by the police. The youth organisation of the Social Democrats (Jusos) adopted the resolution to legalize pie-throwing and when the right-wing police unionist Rainer Wendt spoke on the podium at tazlabs, the moderator, without comment, brought a pie on stage. The confiscation of pies at demonstrations was justified by police as a security measure.
Gloup Gloup Gloup
Since then, many more pies have flown. Sarah Wagenknecht from Germany’s Left Party gave all her effort to argue why people fleeing from death and starvation, should be refused entry to other countries. For this, she received a chocolate tart in the face. The bodyguard of Thilo Sarrazin, the well-known Neonazi poet, threw himself heroically in front of his master when the pie flew. When the AfD board member, Meuthen was hit with a frozen pie, we were forced, as the new generation of throwing-confectioners to remind ourselves of the standards set by those who threw before us.
A pie is thrown out of a love for life and the indignation of individual offense. It should not harm the person who person who receives it – except her or his honour. These days one can find instant pie cases and cans of whipped cream in just about every supermarket. If you can afford it, it’s always worth it to do your bit for the environment and buy vegan whipped-cream. In the execution of the pie-throw it is important to shout “gloup gloup gloup” just before, otherwise the throw will not be recorded by the International Confectioration. Furthermore, when throwing, it’s essential to remain peaceful and cheerful and to avoid chauvinistic or any other misanthropic gestures. Regarding the technique of the actual throw, it is recommended to get as close as possible and actually plant the pie on the face of the target, minimizing the throw distance as much as possible. If there are bodyguards, increase your throwing team and your number of pies. In the historic pieing of Bill Gates, seven pies in a row were thrown. At the moment we are working closely with the Institution for Standardization, in order to set the standards for pie-throwing in Germany and establish it as an appropriate measure against the right-wing.